Why is it difficult for a guy to completely move on from a previous heart brake
Yes…women are
innately more emotional creatures than men. Women are expected to be
compassionate, affectionate, sensitive, and expressive -- all while maintaining
a life of beauty and society standards. Men, on the other hand, are expected to
be unemotional and courageous -- displaying signs of strength and stability,
and never showing signs of social weakness. But when it comes to relationship
breakups and heartache, men can be just as emotional as women -- and even more
so in many cases.
Few years ago my cousin was getting to know a certain guy,
they expressed feelings for each other, but at first it seemed like the guy was
a little unsure about what he wanted between them. He wanted to have her close
to him but at the same time have the privilege to entertain other ladies… kind
of not putting his eggs in one basket. Considering the fact that they were both
young at the time the guy could have been seen to have taken a smart decision.
However my cousin wasn’t having none of that… being the girl on the side, no
matter how much he claimed to like her… and she decided to move on. Down the
line she meets another guy, who in every one’s eyes, was heavens gift to the
ladies. He was a respectable man, with strong principles and knew what he
wanted in life, physically attractive, complete gentle man, and just what she
wanted at the time.
Few months later the first guy she had a crush on comes back
into her life, asking for a second chance, by this time it was too late for
him, as she was already completely consumed with the new guy, and nothing the
old guy said or did touched her in any way, shape, form or size. She was quiet
hostile to him, had no respect or regard for him as a person because of some of
the things that’s she was told he was doing with other girls. In the process
she bruised his ego big time! And broke his heart. Many men are unprepared for
the emotional roller coaster they find themselves on. Often, the male psyche
doesn't know how to cope with this type of anguish.
The usual group of standard questions arise when this
happens: "Does she find someone else more attractive than me?",
"Does someone else make her feel happier and more safe?", "Does
he make her feel better sexually and emotionally?", "What could I
have done better to make things right?"
These questions will sometimes cause a man to doubt his own abilities, banishing his manhood into a sea of despair, embarrassment, and distress. This often leads to anger with oneself for allowing the vulnerability to exist.
These questions will sometimes cause a man to doubt his own abilities, banishing his manhood into a sea of despair, embarrassment, and distress. This often leads to anger with oneself for allowing the vulnerability to exist.
A few months down the line and the new guy had to relocate
to America and with that he lost contact with my cousin. This gave the old guy
the opportunity to win her back, because deep down he really loved her, even
though he didn’t want to admit it.
The old guy persists in being in a relationship with my
cousin even though the scars of what she had done to him were still very fresh.
However the relationship was very unstable and had serious communication issues….
I ask myself why… The only answer I could get was because he was hurt before by
her actions, and insensitivity, he now believes that he has to guard himself in
case of future re-occurrences. Therefore he consumes himself with his daily
activity and shows her no emotional affection.
Knowing my cousin, she nags a lot and will complain about their
communication, and why he doesn’t call her in like 4 days loool, or why
everything had to seem forced with him. He replies by saying he is busy. I know
what you are thinking…. He is not interested in her because any man that loves
his woman will always take out time, even if its 5 mins to check up on his
lady. Well with this guy I don’t think that is the case, I just think he is
letting the past effect the future. There's nothing worse than being with
someone who lets past scars affect a current relationship.
When women are heartbroken they tend to just fall into a depressive
state, cry, talk to friends about it, maybe lose weight because they are
thinking too much and can’t eat. However I
have never known a man to drop a trouser size in the messy aftermath of a
relationship: Men only cut down on calories when they start a new relationship
and want to look hot. Women have withdrawal symptoms; men go cold turkey.
My cousin stated that his behavior changed. At first he was
a soft emotional guy who wasn’t scared to make the first move, or express his
feelings, he wasn’t perfect, and wasn’t trying to be, and she loved his imperfection,
and how caring he was. However now he seems to be much closed about his feelings,
and would be careful of what he says, so that he doesn’t sound ‘MOIST’, or play
mind games so that he doesn’t seem like the weaker one. Well the truth in all
of this emotional coverage is crushing their relationship, because the truth is
now they can’t even talk as close friends.. They are more or less associates.
A woman may try to push a man's buttons to see if he cares
about the relationship. Men are taught from a very young age to not express
their emotions, until it morphs into bitterness, frustration, or anger. Most of
their sensitive emotions are kept internalized, and it can eat them alive
inside. Perhaps, this lack of feedback can move a woman to push even harder
(e.g. finding out ways to make him jealous). This just cuts into the same wound.
In reflection, men need to communicate their feelings before something
beautiful can fall apart. And maybe women can start encouraging their men to
open up more.
So the question is now, why do guys think changing their personality to seem tough will make a girl respect them more
